Ponderments

Why do people have to see the belief, faith, and trust in Jesus--the one way to get to heaven---as being a negative thing? I would think that having only one way and knowing it would be much easier than several different ones.

Why is Christian faith so hard of a concept to grasp, to understand, to follow, to believe? Do people not put faith in airplanes and tires, other drivers and other man-made things everyday. All of these are made by humans who make mistakes, who have faults, who err.

I don't understand how someone can see a newborn baby, see an awesome sunset, hear waves crash onto a beach, experience the different seasons, smell (put whatever nice aroma here) and still not believe in the God of Creation.

Being a Christian doesn't mean we become perfect. It means knowing we aren't and knowing that we cannot live life on our own. It means knowing that we don't know everything. That bad things are going to happen, sometimes for no good reason. That some things we may never understand. That some things are unexplainable. That we have Someone to serve and to talk with. That we have Someone to model our lives after. But when we do mess up, we are forgiven. For perfection will only come after our human self dies.
That Someone is Jesus Christ. God's Son, who humbled Himself in setting aside His authority and powers of God and heaven to become one with us. That Someone who suffered, who ached, who endured pain, who was abused and made fun of, rejected, tempted daily but stayed true to His Father (our Father). So He knows what we go through and put up with and endure for He experienced it while here on earth. The two things that require faith are the two miracles: His virgin birth and his resurrection.

Why do people have a hard time believing that God is more than just a God of love?

Wonder why people tell themselves that there is no afterlife of an eternity in heaven or hell?

Wonder why people want to ignore, disbelieve, construe, omit, or add to Scripture? It is what it is.

Wonder why people preach about people's rights and freedom but want to take those same rights and freedom away from Christians?

All the hate shown by Christians through the years, all the things done in Christ's Name, has really hurt and screwed up what unChristians believe Christianity to be. And all the Christians trying to create their own beliefs, their own twist, adding laws and putting a denominational stamp of godly approval on it hasn't helped either.

What Are We Really Doing Here Now?

What are we really doing here now? I wonder why we are forced to become slaves to businesses and government in order to survive. Where did this concept come from and why did it ever take off to where a handful of people could dominate the rest as chess pieces? And what is the point in making people suffer just to get by? The choices that have created this type of life for society are quite ignorant. To sit back, carelessly, and ignore the absurdity in how life is programmed for us here on earth by means of those given power down through the centuries of this country is hindering what could be. How is this democracy? Where is real freedom? Men and women give up their lives for it, for each of us, all so we can be told that we can not verbally utter God's Name in prayer in schools or the public sector; so we can be owned for 30+ years and miss out on real life and all the experiences that come with it.

It all boils down to money. Without it, you may be alive, but how do you get to really live?

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Greed continues to ruin society.

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Bigger isn't always better. New isn't always best. Technology isn't always smarter.

Pursue

What do you pursue? Is it a better retirement, a bigger savings account, a job that pays more, a bigger house, a "nicer" car? Where does a great majority of energy, time, and effort go most days? A vast majority of teachings in Scripture (i.e. Jesus, Paul) seem to point to our motives. This meaning, why do you want something? Why do you desire ? What MOTIVATES you? A lot of things that we desire aren't technically a bad thing. For example, I desire to do mainstream acting. But the older I get & the more I mature in my faith and relationship with Christ, I have found myself examining this desire, this pursuit. The idea of why I want to do mainstream acting isn't bad at all (to use it as a form of ministry, especially youth ministry in order to provide positive influence). However, I think it is time for me to admit that the desire/dream to do it hinders on taking priority over Christ a lot of the times. I get too infatuated with it. My yearning to act becomes annoying and I catch myself getting in the mental place that I would do anything to achieve this dream. Then I wonder, What would it be like to apply all of this mental energy, all of this time, all of this yearning for acting and replace acting with Christ? How amazing and awesome would that be? Think of the things Christ could teach me and ways He could use me. Oh the things He could accomplish.

The whole acting thing, when it takes center stage, can be a bit exhausting. Thus, I am sure it has and is a little overwhelming and annoying to anyone that has been or that comes around me when I have this drive. My prayer for myself and for all of you who have that one thing (or a handful of things) that easily overtakes your heart and mind and becomes a main pursuit in life, I pray that you will let go of it and let God's desire for you to overtake your human desire. Spend your time, energy, and effort chasing after Christ. Be motivated to serve Him whenever, wherever, and however. In doing so, Christ's desire for us will become our new desire. And think of all the things Christ will be able to accomplish on our behalf. Imagine the growth in your faith and in your relationship with Christ. How awesome and amazing that would be. That would be a true blessing.

Take time today to let God search your heart. Let Him have control. And in doing this, make that choice to pursue Him.

Hold fast, Stay true, Learn, Trust, Grow....Continue seeking, Continue living

What you are about to read is what some would define as a testimony. I hope those who might read this will come away with hope, renewed faith, new faith, or even an opening of the heart and mind to seek more.

Since May 2007, when Kim & I got married, I graduated college and we headed to our new residence in Northeast Tennessee, a lot has happened. In these three and a half years, I worked full-time as a temp employee for only eight of the forty-three months we resided here. The rest of the time I worked part-time, mostly at a local fitness facility. It was during this time that God was doing most of the work. It was in my day-to-day struggles of seeking full-time employment here, there and everywhere, that Christ was teaching me, molding me, and refining me into a better, more mature person. There were a few instances where things got quite tight financially. But it was in these times, God showed up to remind us Who was in charge and that where Scripture states that if He provides for the birds of the air and the fish of the sea, that He will surely meet the needs of those whom He has entrusted and created to rule over these animals. He came through every time in all sorts of different ways. It was in these instances that increased our trust and faith in Christ.

Also, needless to say, I had some free time on my hands. And in no way am I boasting or patting myself on the back, but I was able to develop a daily time with my Savior. And it has been in this time of Scripture reading, prayer, devotions and being quiet to meditate upon Him and His Word that I am most thankful. For had I worked full-time, perhaps I would not have been able to build a stronger, more secure foundation. And had I not been blessed and fortunate to have the opportunity to develop this time, who knows how I would have behaved and acted when times did seem a bit harder. But it was by His plan and love that the Holy Spirit within stirred me and motivated me to want to spend this time with Him. And it was in this time that His greatest work took place. He has taught me so much. He has revealed even more to me. And He has refined me, thus allowing me to see things about myself that I didn't know existed. Sinful things about myself that are selfish. I now realize things about me that I was unaware of prior to this and though it has been difficult to realize that these thoughts and actions come from myself, I am grateful that Christ has let them be known to me. For it is in this process, that God is bringing such darkness to the surface, scraping these things slowly away, and allowing His light to shine forth. It is here that He is increasing my knowledge, my strength, my Christian maturity, and my faith. And to me, this is the best thing that could have ever taken place.

Only God knows why He needed 3.5 years to work upon me in this manner. But I know one thing, I am thankful, I am blessed and I am excited to see how He wishes to use me. In this time, I have also seen my wife grow and begin her own journey. It is from God's work upon my heart that He has used my personal spiritual growth to be put on display for her to see. And it is here she has come to desire more of Him. And for that I can only sing His praises. It excites me to see how He will use us as a Christian couple.

We hear it so often and witness it everyday, but we live in a country that is selfish, greedy, covetous, and lustful. We live at a time where more and more people are impatient and want things at the next split second. And if they do not get it, they handle it poorly and place blame on anyone and anything except at themselves.

My prayer is that you slow down. To examine your life. To question things. To seek. To not live for yourself but for others. And to look a little closer at Jesus Christ and who He was while He lived here on earth and who He is today. And may you come away from reading a little about my life these past few years to realize that hard times, discouraging times come to us all. It is how we handle them that matters. It is who you rely upon and trust that will help you out. Not to make things easier at the snap of a finger. But to rely and trust Someone beyond yourself and your own human energy, mind, and strength. We live in a sinful world. Therefore, bad things are going to happen and they will happen to everyone: good and bad, Christian & nonbeliever. It is how we handle them that matter. This earth we live on is temporary. This life we currently have is short. It is what is to come that truly matters.

Why is it so hard for people to believe in God? Why is it even harder to believe in Jesus?

One can sit back and look at a clear night sky. One can drive across the country and see the various landscapes that make up our own country. One can think of things in their life, big and small, and understand that something outside of their own power was the real reason those things occurred. These things are because of God.

But how do you know? Where's the real proof?

Those questions are what seem to keep people from believing. People want proof. We think that this world, the happenings, and our lives should work just like one big mathematical problem where X+Y=XY.

It all boils down to faith. Faith in a being and happenings unknown to us and unseen. Humans seem to struggle with this. Is it out of arrogance that we think we deserve to know and have to know the meaning and an answer to everything that goes on?

Of course if you have trouble with the any of the above, you will definitely have trouble with your motives and approach to reading Scripture out of the Bible.

One false teachings we hear from such pastors as Joel Osteen is a message called the Prosperity Gospel. This is the teaching that if you do a good thing and give so much of your finances to the church then God will reward you with more material things and wealth. Sorry to burst your bubble but it doesn't work that way. You serve others out of love for them and out of reverence and love of Christ. You do not do it in hoping that you will be rewarded with more stuff and more money. This thought is basically the same as the whole concept of karma. God doesn't work that way.

Faith and our motive is the key. Is your motive in giving money to a homeless man selfish? Meaning, for example, are you giving to this person in need only because if you help them it makes you feel better about yourself, that you did a good deed and that your good deed will equal to an earthly reward in some way? If that is your thinking then your motive for doing it is wrong. We humble ourselves to help others to show them Christ's love. It isn't about us at all. It's about God and about others.

Jesus is God in human form. He humbled himself to be born to poor people in a setting that none of us would really want to endure. He did this so that we couldn't ever say, "Well, God doesn't know, He doesn't understand because He has never faced this situation." God does understand. God can relate because of Jesus. Jesus was physically beaten. He was gossiped about. His name was slandered. He was shunned and ignored. He was cussed at. He was made fun of. He was looked upon as an outcast. He struggled at times in regards to food supply. He was tempted. So if the Son of God lived in this manner, why do we think that by becoming a Christian everything is going to be "hunky dory" and everything is going to be perfect. Are we better than Jesus. No way! We are going to face trials. We are going to have to endure difficult times and situations in our lives. And the only way to get through this is by trusting God. Putting our trust and faith in Him. Believing that in whatever circumstances we face, in the end, it will all work out. And you know when we might see how things did work out for the good? It might not be until next week, next month, next year, or later. Heck, we might not see the result in such until we die and are in eternity. We are so selfish and impatient. We want what we want and overlook what we only need. We want things to happen right this second and if they don't we get all bent out of shape.

For example, I'm learning that when I get cut off or someone pulls out in front of me while i'm driving to not get all upset at that person but instead to thank the Lord above for protecting me and keeping me safe. Nothing happened to me.

My prayer for those who have no faith or weak faith is to first off realize that your life isn't about you. Things aren't always going to go your way. Bad things are going to happen. Yet also know that good things will too. Everything isn't always going to be perfect. Also, this world is too big to know everything. This solar system is too big to know everything. Our minds are too small to understand and know everything. Therefore, why are we so arrogant, selfish and prideful to think that we will and should know everything. That there has to be an explanation. That's dumb to think that. Understand that there are things you will not know, you will not understand and things that cannot be explained. And it is in this that you will begin to begin the process of wrapping your mind around what it means to have faith. And it is here you will begin to understand God. And it is here you will be able to hear the Gospel message, read the Bible in a different light.

No more waiting...

Well, after 2.5 years of seeking, searching, refining, learning, growing, applying, being rejected and waiting I soon will have a job. I have accepted a contingent offer to work with the Metropolitan Sewer District of Greater Cincinnati as an entry level Plant Operator 1.

My wife and I are a bit nervous about the whole transition and new road that we are about to embark upon. But we are excited nonetheless.

We will be looking forward to what lies ahead for us up there and how He will use us.

Getting to be closer to family and friends will be very nice.

At a Stand-Still

I am thankful to be a believer and follower of Christ. I'm am thankful that the morals He desires have been instilled in me and continue to expand. I wonder what my life would look like if none of this existed. What path would I be going down if I didn't have my faith and trust, nor if I didn't have morals that stem from Christ and God's Word?

In my current state, I can understand where those who are not blessed to have this type of mindset and strong faith can lose it. I think I understand how people lose hope and resort to stealing and dealing drugs or doing whatever to make money, especially when attempting to make money the right way continues to not work out and have door after door close in your face. It's easy to become selfish and focus on yourself and the current situation. If one has a weak faith or no faith at all, taking this wrong direction is, more than likely, just a matter of time. But through daily prayer and daily time with God and His Word, on top of surrounding yourself with strong Christians, you find the needed hope, comfort and strength.

I have been job hunting since July 2008. I've worked some part-time jobs here and there. I currently work 12 hours a week and am grateful to be bringing in some type of income. For a little is better than none at all. However, it still gets discouraging to get told that you are not qualified for something (especially when that something is a job that requires no prior work experience) or you are unable to even get on as a volunteer at a local homeless shelter (you have to fill out an application and submit to work as a volunteer). Some days are harder than others. I focus more on the negatives and I start to feel sorry for myself. But in the end, I come back to the realization that God is in control. I am reminded that He tells us that we are just a little lower than angels, that we are more important than the animals of the earth, that He cares for them and meets their needs, therefore, He will surely take care of us and meet our needs. I also am reminded that we are on His time table and not ours. I think this is the hardest. Especially with the type of society we live in where patience is practically non-existent and our wants get in the way of what we really need. On top of that, we are easily consumed by selfish desires and feel the need to seek out self-pleasure for right now, without thinking of the long-term effects.

I do not know how much longer this refining, faith-building road I am on is going to last. I pray that it is not much longer because I am ready to be trusted to use my talents, gifts, and abilities to not only impact others but to finally get to be the husband that I desire.

I can only keep seeking Him everyday, trusting Him and His Word and keep trying in my looking of jobs and applying. I know something is going to work out. And when it does, I know it will be awesome and better than I could ever imagine.

Johnny On The Spot

Well, it's been long enough. I have got away from this site for awhile. I am trying to figure out how I can post video blogs on here at times. I'm not even sure if you can. Anyway...

Lately, it seems that God has been revealing to me what He intended the local church body to truly be. Churches today, at least in the U.S., seem to go for comfort, looks, and pleasing anyone who walks through the door. Oh the luxuries of the American Dream grasping a hold of God's churches. They want the comfort of knowing every detail about what is going on, where it is taking place and how long. They seem to have conjured up the idea that spending millions of dollars on a building really matters to God and that if believers do not congregate, worship and fellowship inside this "Base for Christ" then church doesn't truly happen. They seem to think that everyone has to walk away feeling good about what they encountered all within a certain timeframe. Organization and structure are needed to an extent but not to the extent that it seems that fear overrides faith and when such a design hinders getting things accomplished and it holds back open and honest, real and true worship of the One we are claiming to come together for. We seem to have got off course with what the church is intended for. It's not about any of these, nor is it about committees, associations, and denominations. It's not about creating the best programs. It's not doing things on our own time, strength or from our own human ideas.

Here's what church is about:
It's about honest, real prayer. It's about coming together as one body (all ages and races/ethnicities) to worship Christ together out of reverence and love. Where that takes place, doesn't matter. At a home, at a school gymnasium or bank that you are borrowing to meet in, at a local theater, wherever. For when two Christian people come together with pure motives to worship and honor God, Christ is present and therefore you have church. For is our own body not God's Temple? It's about relationships.
Some form of structure is needed but it should not be one of the major focuses. A set format should not interfere with the way the Lord wants to conduct His service or who should contribute for His honor and glory. A leader should be present to keep the focus on Him and for things to run smoothly. After that, though, how worship happens, and for how long should not be planned out. Let God speak. Let God move. I can only imagine what would actually happen if we did not tell God when He had the floor to "do His thing." The God I serve and worship deserves more than what we give on Sunday mornings.

A Time of Prayer

Prayer. How much faith do you as a Christian put in it? What are your motives behind it when you do pray? Is it important in your life?

If we can read in Scripture about Jesus taking time out to spend with His Father in prayer, shouldn't it be of great importance to us to do the same?

Look at how open and honest Jesus was to God in His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemene? He was open and honest with Him too. Did Jesus not ask God to take the upcoming path of being beaten and scorned and crucified away and ask Him if there was a better way to fulfill God's plan of salvation? But what was God's answer to His own Son? It was "no". God told Jesus no. So why do we imperfect humans get aggravated when our prayers are answered the same? When we do not get the response we want, let alone in the timely manner we think we deserve, why do we get angry and throw insults and doubt at God the Father?

God wants us to come to Him regardless of our situation. If things are going great for you, go to God in prayer. If things are not so good and you think your are barely holding on, go to God in prayer. But go in knowing that God hears you. Go not because you want something in return but because you just want to talk to Him and listen to Him. Go because you are excited just to bask in His presence and build upon your all's relationship. Go because you love Him, respect Him, revere Him, follow Him and you want to obey & serve Him. Go to Him in prayer knowing that He hears you and has already prepared the way for you regarding what you knock, seek, and ask. Go to Him knowing that as much as you have rationalized the idea or how much you'd like something to work out a certain way, go to Him with the trust and faith knowing that however the situation works out or whenever things turn the corner, you know the outcomes of the prayers lifted up by Moses and Abraham and Hannah and David. You remember His faithfulness to them and you can rest in knowing that those same things are promised to us.

It is not what we want but what He wants that should be our desire with all things. It is His will that we should seek for it is in relation to this that we will find true peace and joy. It is here we will be fully blessed.

So pray in all things. Pray in honesty. Pray in truth.

Waiting

Why is it so hard to do? Waiting to see someone, waiting to go somewhere, waiting to hear back about something, waiting to see if she checked yes/no/maybe...we are all waiting for something today. In waiting, we find out how patient or impatient we can be. Now, if you are like me, some days display better patience than others. What drives us to want RIGHT THIS MINUTE? Why do we get like this? Maybe there is an iPhone application that can help me with this or do this waiting for me? I doubt it. And I'm glad. For it is in waiting that we can choose the broad way or the narrow way. It is in waiting that we can discover. We can discover God's timing. We can can discover endurance and faith in a new way. We can discover growth in our trust of God. We can discover more of God. And it is in this discovery that we can be content and not only discover God but His love. For if God is love and love is patient, God is patient. And it is in this patience that we must trust. It is in this patience that we must be faithful waiting.

For what we are waiting for is "Not mine but thy will be done."

It is this waiting that will give us "new bodies, a new heaven and new earth, rest and rewards, our eternal family and home, the absence of sin and suffering, and being face to face with Jesus! Rather than acting like impatient children as we wait for God's will to unfold, we need to have confidence in God's perfect timing and wisdom."

So I wait. I wait for a job to be offered to me so I can help provide for my wife. I wait for one of my many applications to fall into the right hand, at the right place/company, at the right time. I wait for Him to open up the door He has for me in the here and now, so the talents He has blessed me with can be used more abundantly. But for now, that's all I can do is wait. But waiting does not mean to idle. In this waiting, I trust Him. And in this trust, I go do the part-time job that I do have. And I lift each day up to Him and hope that I am hidden and He is seen. I wait, yet I continue to grow. I am able to grow because I trust. I trust because I know what He promises. And it is in all of this, that I can wait and work on my patience.

May we continue to seek Christ in prayer and in His Word daily. Trust and obey for there's no other way.

Church

I've been thinking a lot lately about our churches.  In various books I've read, one of the few reoccurring themes is that of racism/segregation of our churches.  Granted that some areas of this country have less diversity than others, it is still embarrassing.  To those on the outside, whether it be because they believe different or do not believe at all, they see the segregation that exists in our church.  Go into most any Protestant church and what do you see, mostly all whites.  Now go down the road, the street, down a couple of blocks and here you will find the "all-black" church(es).  In some areas you can find the Korean, Vietnamese, Spanish, etc. churches.  If we cannot put aside our differences and come together to fellowship, worship and praise Christ, what do we think is going to happen when we get to heaven?  Heaven won't be broken up into sections where the whites hang out, the blacks hang out, the asians hang out, etc.  We will all be bunched up together, finally as one, just like He desires and wants.  I've read too many quotes from non-Christians and heard too many people outside the church who wonder how a group of people can claim to be followers of Christ, talk about His love and wanting to show it to others yet wonder why we can't even gather together with people who are of a different culture and skin color.  And if we can't do this, how on earth can we ever truly be the Church we talk about being and truly show Christ's love?  I wonder this.  I think the first step to take is in doing away with denominations.  But this will never happen here on earth because there are too many of us forgiven sinners who still push for our own ideas for church and push God's ideas aside all due to our comfort zone.  I'd love to meet with Christians in a setting where it is a vast mixture of races and ethnicities, coming together with all their culture and differences to worship and praise God in our time together.  

True Christmas

This time of year we can easily become depressed from dwelling on our problems.  Millions of people, around such holidays as Thanksgiving and Christmas, look at their situation of finances, being alone, selfish desires that have not panned/worked out and become angry and sad during a time when all we should be doing is worshipping our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in praise and thanksgiving.  Why?  Well, if you are a person who has a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, heat and air, drinkable water, indoor plumbing, sight, hearing, etc. you are blessed to the nth degree.  How often do we think our lives are falling apart and God is not listening?  Yet, in our selfish thinking of what we want and think we need, God is there with us, continuing to shower us with His loving grace and mercy through providing us with the necessities that millions of others are unable to have.  In reading last months In Touch magazine, I came across a brief article talking about these very blessings that we so often forget are blessings.  Then in this months magazine, I came across what Christmas is really about.  Christmas is about our receiving of a gift.  A gift from God.  It's not about all the giving.  It's about our thanksgiving in humility of accepting and accepting God's gift of His Son.  Just like by saying we are Christians and our belief is backed up by our works and actions, so is our thanksgiving of the birth of Christ and our receiving of this gift acted out by wanting to share this with others.  Then, in our heart's motive, is our giving necessary and real, all stemming from our outward acceptance of God's gift and our honorable praise and worship of Christ.  Just like Nicholas of Myra (aka: St. Nick).

Not Gone, Just Almost Forgotten

What's important to you?  What do you seek?  Is it more money, an updated wardrobe, a new car?  If getting these would you be content in life?  Probably not.  You'd want more money yet again, new clothes again, and yet another new car.  What can allow each of us to be content with where we are currently at right this minute?  It's not looking at our life in a negative way that we are selfish and become wrapped up in what we want and don't have.  Being content with our current state lies in our view of God.  Are we satisfied knowing that He will meet our needs in ways He knows are best?  Can we view our own life in seeing it through God's perspective; meaning our focus is upon what we should do for Him thus for others, or can we not get passed ourselves and the feeling of what we believe is owed to us/what we should have?  We can see all of this in the Apostle Paul and in God's Son, Jesus Christ.  Look at Philippians chapter 4.  Paul is in prison yet again, being persecuted for sharing his faith and telling others about Christ.  Yet Paul is content and joyful.  He isn't caught up in what negativity is thrown his way.  Instead, he trusts God to meet his needs in all things, even if it means the courage to face his own death.  He goes on to tell the folks at the church of Philipi to rejoice (meaning that our inner attitude does not have to reflect our outer circumstance).  We are to find this contentment in our knowing that though we won't get everything that we want, we won't go through life without experiencing pain and discomfort in various formats at times, but that what we need while here on earth Christ well deliver.  He will always supply if we believe, trust and put our faith in Him.

This is extremely difficult at times to live out.  I have struggled a lot with this like all of us have.  Being reminded through Scripture of the above definitely helps me out.  Without Christ and His assurances, I do not know where I would be at mentally or what condition my heart would be in.  When I get caught up in things of this world and compare myself to others based off of materialistic things, I get really down on myself.  I grow angry because I am disgusted with who I am because of what I do not have.  But instead of concentrating on this selfish way of thinking, I am brought back to what is true when I turn to God.  He is my Comforter.  He has helped me from destructing.  He gives me peace in knowing that He has it all figured out already.  He reminds me of what is most important.  Through Him, I am refocused.  My eyes are turned back on Him and not upon my own self and the things Satan tries his hardest to lure us away from Christ; things of the world.  I am reminded of all the ways that God has met my needs, my wife and I's needs.  I am reminded of His love, care and protection in things of my past and in reading about His mercy and love to others throughout Scripture.  Then and only then I am brought back to Paul's type of contentment and joy in life, regardless of the circumstances and situation. 

A little bit country, a little bit rock-n-roll

It is interesting to see how easy selfish thoughts can creep into one's mind.  As I sit here, I hold fresh and dear to me the phone conversation that just ended.  It was with a good friend and brother, whom in all our time apart seem to hold true to a sweet friendship.  It was in this conversation that I was reminded of what our life is really about and what is most important.  It is not of this earth.  It is not of this flesh.  It is that of what is to be and to come.  I'm speaking of life after death and the Second Coming of Christ.  For it is these two things that are most important.  We are to live for Him each day.  We are to set our minds upon Him.  We are to serve Him through growing in our understanding of Him, thus allowing us to grow in our relationship with Him.  We are to serve Him through putting ourselves aside and serving others, those we know (family and friends) and those we don't.  

In thinking, I wonder if I would put such an passion and be so ambitious in my understanding/relationship/service to Christ as I do my desire to act, what would I be like?  What could He accomplish in me and through me?  Sure I sit here thinking how I would love to be an actor in mainstream entertainment.  I want this because acting is something I enjoy.  I wish for this because I want to provide youth and others with a positive influence.  But I also wonder why I can't let this dream go.  I wonder if this is the real reason of why I pursue this??  I do not know.  I sometimes fear that my pursuit of acting is Satan's way of keeping me in his grasp, to hinder in my hearing of the Holy Spirit in the stillness so that He can guide me to where He is truly wanting me to go.  So He (God/Christ/Holy Spirit) can speak to me and I will finally listen.  I do think that Christ needs to be seen and heard in mainstream actors, actresses, musicians, but is being Christ in this field the real driving force or is it, in the end, more of the entertainment idea??  

I am an ambitious person.  There are lots of things I want to do and lots of places I'd like to go to/see.  But as much as I'd love to act, I want to provide for my wife more.   I want to take some of the financial burden off her.  I want to finally take her on our honeymoon.  I want to be able to treat her.  I want to be able to pay for meals for my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my friends.  I know that God has blessed me.  I know He created me with the creativeness and gifts and talents and outwardness for a reason.  I know He has instilled in me a desire to help others and care a great deal about those in need for a reason.  I know that in this time of working part-time that He is teaching me new things, revealing things about me that are ugly that I didn't know about, as well as showing my wife and I how faith matters.  Faith in Him and Him alone.  He has provided.  He has met our needs.  And He continues to do so.  

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down

Yeah, that's right.  For whatever reason I have the song from Mary Poppins in my head.  And since I am home alone, I am audibly singing the song.  

I woke up this morning and read this for my devotion:

"Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You."

~Psalm 143:8

This came from one of David's prayers in the midst of a time he was experiencing hopelessness and depression.

I don't find it a coincidence that I read this verse today.  I find myself with a little less hope at times.  Hope in the world, hope in life, hope in others, hope in myself.  I find myself seeing more of the negatives in things and in people.  I don't want to be like that.  For losing hope in the world, in life, in others and in myself is doubting God.  And why do I doubt Him?  Because how I think things should go, be fixed, work out as I think they should don't?  That's very selfish of me.  It's from this selfishness that causes me to be easily annoyed and aggravated.  It's in this that I catch myself literally yelling at other drivers on the road.  Sure I don't really want to die in a car wreck and would like for their attitude of what I see as "I am the only person on the road therefore I can do what I want" to lean more toward thinking of others and obeying traffic signs and laws.  But I can't get caught up in others behaviors.  I can't change people.  

We aren't promised an easy, unhindered life when we put our trust and faith in Christ.  Just look at the Apostle Paul and the life he lived based upon his writings from prison.  And the biggest example of this is the life of our perfect sacrifice for our sins, Jesus.  Right before he was arrested, in the Garden of Gethsemane, He cried out to God to take this (the physical and spiritual pain He was about to endure) from Him.  He told Him that if there was another way to accomplish this that He would like for that course instead.  But, He then said that if there isn't and this is the only way that you and I can have the opportunity at forgiveness and being able to spend eternity in heaven then so be it.  He told Him, "Not what I want but Your will be done."  

So I need to worry.  I need to get caught up in what the secular world has placed all of its importance on.  I need not feel as if my life is in a downward spiral.  We go through things to help us out in the bigger scheme of things.  I am going through this to let me see thoughts and personality traits that I have that need to be changed.  I am going through this to grow in my faith.  I am going through this to grow in my knowledge of who Christ really is.  I am growing in my relationship with Him as well.  I am getting to see how He does love and care for us by meeting our needs and providing the essentials (just like He says He will).  There is good that can come from anything.  We have to want the good and sometimes choose to seek for it.  

I know He has a plan for me.  There are gifts and talents that He has equipped me with that He is using now (unbeknownst to me).  He knows my many interests that I have.  I don't want them to become my main confused focus because I still do not know what I should do.  I want to do too many things I think.  What matters to me is what we read two verses later in Psalm 143 in verse 10, "Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God.  May Your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."  That is where I need to put my hope and focus.  It isn't in a FT job, a house with some land so my wife and I can have a dog.  It isn't in having more money so I can take my wife to the beach for a week and take my mom or dad or brother & his wife out to eat.  Sure that would be very nice but it's not what is most important and what truly matters.  What matters is that even in what is perceived as a rotten situation, I do my best to keep hoping and trusting in Christ.  That I let His will to be done and not what I want.  For it is in this that others will benefit.  Look at the good that came from Paul's time in prison.  Look at the good that came from Jesus' arrest and death.  Good can come from, what can easily be perceived as, a crappy situation.  But it is only perceived that way when we look at it & think on it in a selfish light.  My life and my situation is not about me.  It's about my wife, my family, my friends, people I come in contact with, and most importantly it is about God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It is when we make our time worthwhile out of loving service for others that is key, regardless of the circumstance/situation...good or bad, positive or negative.  It is here we lose sight of self and focus on God and others.  It is here His light shines.  It is here His love endures forever.

A New Perspective/Outlook/Light

It was brought to my attention that being honest during my down times and sharing those temporary thoughts isn't the best thing to do.  My negative tone can be taken in ways I did not even think about.  I took it upon myself to think that by being honest and real with all this for my friends and family to read was okay.  I was wrong.  So in understanding that venting doesn't need to be done through this line of communication I share this.

My wife and I are blessed. I need to be thankful that she has a job.  It would be a lot stressful if she didn’t. At least one of us has a full-time job to support us both. It doesn’t matter that it’s her. What matters is food, clothing, shelter, and knowing that God is our Father and ultimately provides for us if we only let Him. Has He not provided everything that we need and then some?  

My parents made sure, and to this day still do, that I didn’t do/go without.  They made sure that I had more growing up than what they did. They supported every decision through the years of college hopping and traveling cross country. The last thing I need to do is send a message to them, to my loving supporting wife, to my family and friends that I am a failure – b/c that will probably make them feel like failures.  

I am not a failure. I am not poor. If I want to be productive for the Lord then now’s the time. I have free time while I work a few hours a week.  I could be doing something for the Lord  instead of wasting away to the ‘Internet job search engine lords.’  For when I have a full time job there stands a good chance that I won’t have as much time to do other things of service.  So what am I doing? I don’t have to have someone’s permission to do work for the Lord.  I shouldn't wait on an email or phone call to give me permission to come help out at a food pantry. Did Jesus ask first? No. He just went and met the people where they were. 

I Learned Something Today

Reading my devotion this morning from Charles Stanley, I learned something that I believe I've heard wrong for quite sometime.  You've heard it said that if you are burdened with something, to give it to God and let Him take care of it.  I've always understood this as "having dumped the burden like a bag of garbage" (InTouch July '09, pg. 42).  This is how I've always approached giving my troubles, my burdens to God.  This is how I've always understood this concept.  But this is not the case.  I learned it in a different light this morning and it makes much more sense.  Giving our burden to Him is a process, just like the Christian faith & walk of any believer.  Christ invites us to share in this troubled time with Him so the two of us can walk and work together.  It's a way for us to get our focus off of ourself and our current situation.  It's a way for us to not feel as if we have to handle it and deal with it on our own.  We shouldn't approach anything, good or bad, in this manner.  In any process in which we share it with Christ, we are essentially giving more of ourself to Him.  This is what He wants.  He wants each one of us in order to have the relationship that He desires with us.  In giving our burdens to Him, we are not to do it for selfish relief in our thinking that we cannot deal with the situation anymore.  Instead, we give it to Him so that we can let Him change our thoughts and responses.  This allows us to "begin to love Him, trust Him, believe His promises, and rely on His power" (InTouch, 42).  "Then as the weight of the affliction shifts from our shoulders to His, we will discover relief, although the situation may remain unchanged" (InTouch, 42).  

This makes much more sense than thinking He snatches up our problem right when we ask/tell Him to and everything is made better, instantly.  It's a gradual process.  Just like the rest of the Christian faith.  If we are sincere about wanting to be like Christ and have the relationship with Him that He wants with us, then we have to be patient.  It is a journey and it begins with our hearts.  We have to be sincere about believing in Jesus as the Son of God.  We have to be sincere in our desire to be like Christ.  We have to be sincere in our desire of a more intimate, mature understanding of Jesus thus creating a more intimate, mature relationship with Him.  It's a daily process that starts with giving ourselves to Him.  In doing so, our known sinful desires, attitudes, and struggles will diminish.  And in our continued pursuit of being like Christ and knowing Christ, unknown, sinful, selfish ways will become known to us and the continued refining of our hearts will continue.  We do not just quit sinning and screwing up the minute we realize who Christ is and that we want Him in our life.  It's a daily process.  Just like the patience it takes in sharing our burdens with Christ.  It is in these daily steps that our faith grows.  It is here our understanding of Jesus grows.  And it is here where our relationship with Him matures, growing closer to Him and more like Him.  

Mmm...Blueberry Oatmeal

Well, it's Wednesday.  That means my day off.  Haha.  That's right.  For whatever reason the owners do not wish to have the fitness place cleaned on Wednesdays.  So, I usually take this time to pick up a little around the house, do some sweeping and cleaning here.  Every-now-and-then I will go out to get away from it all such as going hiking on Roan Mountain.  

I get to have my second interview in over a year this Friday.  I have to drive 4.5 hours to Lexington, KY.  I'm staying at my brother's for the night and then on Friday, going to Frankfort (aka: The State Capital of KY).  I have to go before the Oral Interview Board with the Kentucky State Police for the position of Commercial Vehicle Enforcement Officer I.  I am not sure what to expect.  I'm looking forward to doing an interview.  But I'm not going to get my hopes up.  Those who know me and my personality would probably say that I don't fit the mold of a typical cop.  I would have to agree.  So with my various part-time work experience, youth ministry degree, non-military, non-security guard, non-law enforcement experience, I get to present myself to them.  

I have written a few letters to 5 various employees for the Cincinnati Reds about any possible employment.  I figured since baseball and the Reds are a huge passion of mine, why not see if I can get some type of FT gig with them.  I wrote to the head groundskeeper, the head of community relations, and then the top three guys who run the Reds organization about chaplaincy and business operations possibilities.  I figured it couldn't hurt.  The worse thing that could happen is to never hear anything back or get told "no."  And I'm used to that so that's no big loss on my part.  

One big part of my outlook concerning all the jobs I apply to is this: I give it to God.  I tell Him that if this isn't what He has in store for me or how He wants to use me for His purpose then to keep the door closed with that job.  Give it to the person who needs the job more.  Give it to the father of three who is trying to figure out how to make ends meet.  So with these hundreds of jobs I've applied to, I know that me getting rejected is an answered prayer.  Sure it stinks at times when I think in terms of worldly, fleshly pleasures/desires/wants but I quickly remind myself that He is in control and He did answer my prayer.  So in my continued, ambitious pursuit of getting some form of career started, I know He is preparing me for something far bigger and better than I can come up with in my own thinking.  He (God) has something great in store.  

So I'm thinking for the interview, I will walk in with a sweet handle bar 'stache and my aviators on to show them that I can at least look the part.  What do you think??