A little bit country, a little bit rock-n-roll

It is interesting to see how easy selfish thoughts can creep into one's mind.  As I sit here, I hold fresh and dear to me the phone conversation that just ended.  It was with a good friend and brother, whom in all our time apart seem to hold true to a sweet friendship.  It was in this conversation that I was reminded of what our life is really about and what is most important.  It is not of this earth.  It is not of this flesh.  It is that of what is to be and to come.  I'm speaking of life after death and the Second Coming of Christ.  For it is these two things that are most important.  We are to live for Him each day.  We are to set our minds upon Him.  We are to serve Him through growing in our understanding of Him, thus allowing us to grow in our relationship with Him.  We are to serve Him through putting ourselves aside and serving others, those we know (family and friends) and those we don't.  

In thinking, I wonder if I would put such an passion and be so ambitious in my understanding/relationship/service to Christ as I do my desire to act, what would I be like?  What could He accomplish in me and through me?  Sure I sit here thinking how I would love to be an actor in mainstream entertainment.  I want this because acting is something I enjoy.  I wish for this because I want to provide youth and others with a positive influence.  But I also wonder why I can't let this dream go.  I wonder if this is the real reason of why I pursue this??  I do not know.  I sometimes fear that my pursuit of acting is Satan's way of keeping me in his grasp, to hinder in my hearing of the Holy Spirit in the stillness so that He can guide me to where He is truly wanting me to go.  So He (God/Christ/Holy Spirit) can speak to me and I will finally listen.  I do think that Christ needs to be seen and heard in mainstream actors, actresses, musicians, but is being Christ in this field the real driving force or is it, in the end, more of the entertainment idea??  

I am an ambitious person.  There are lots of things I want to do and lots of places I'd like to go to/see.  But as much as I'd love to act, I want to provide for my wife more.   I want to take some of the financial burden off her.  I want to finally take her on our honeymoon.  I want to be able to treat her.  I want to be able to pay for meals for my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my friends.  I know that God has blessed me.  I know He created me with the creativeness and gifts and talents and outwardness for a reason.  I know He has instilled in me a desire to help others and care a great deal about those in need for a reason.  I know that in this time of working part-time that He is teaching me new things, revealing things about me that are ugly that I didn't know about, as well as showing my wife and I how faith matters.  Faith in Him and Him alone.  He has provided.  He has met our needs.  And He continues to do so.  

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down

Yeah, that's right.  For whatever reason I have the song from Mary Poppins in my head.  And since I am home alone, I am audibly singing the song.  

I woke up this morning and read this for my devotion:

"Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You."

~Psalm 143:8

This came from one of David's prayers in the midst of a time he was experiencing hopelessness and depression.

I don't find it a coincidence that I read this verse today.  I find myself with a little less hope at times.  Hope in the world, hope in life, hope in others, hope in myself.  I find myself seeing more of the negatives in things and in people.  I don't want to be like that.  For losing hope in the world, in life, in others and in myself is doubting God.  And why do I doubt Him?  Because how I think things should go, be fixed, work out as I think they should don't?  That's very selfish of me.  It's from this selfishness that causes me to be easily annoyed and aggravated.  It's in this that I catch myself literally yelling at other drivers on the road.  Sure I don't really want to die in a car wreck and would like for their attitude of what I see as "I am the only person on the road therefore I can do what I want" to lean more toward thinking of others and obeying traffic signs and laws.  But I can't get caught up in others behaviors.  I can't change people.  

We aren't promised an easy, unhindered life when we put our trust and faith in Christ.  Just look at the Apostle Paul and the life he lived based upon his writings from prison.  And the biggest example of this is the life of our perfect sacrifice for our sins, Jesus.  Right before he was arrested, in the Garden of Gethsemane, He cried out to God to take this (the physical and spiritual pain He was about to endure) from Him.  He told Him that if there was another way to accomplish this that He would like for that course instead.  But, He then said that if there isn't and this is the only way that you and I can have the opportunity at forgiveness and being able to spend eternity in heaven then so be it.  He told Him, "Not what I want but Your will be done."  

So I need to worry.  I need to get caught up in what the secular world has placed all of its importance on.  I need not feel as if my life is in a downward spiral.  We go through things to help us out in the bigger scheme of things.  I am going through this to let me see thoughts and personality traits that I have that need to be changed.  I am going through this to grow in my faith.  I am going through this to grow in my knowledge of who Christ really is.  I am growing in my relationship with Him as well.  I am getting to see how He does love and care for us by meeting our needs and providing the essentials (just like He says He will).  There is good that can come from anything.  We have to want the good and sometimes choose to seek for it.  

I know He has a plan for me.  There are gifts and talents that He has equipped me with that He is using now (unbeknownst to me).  He knows my many interests that I have.  I don't want them to become my main confused focus because I still do not know what I should do.  I want to do too many things I think.  What matters to me is what we read two verses later in Psalm 143 in verse 10, "Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God.  May Your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."  That is where I need to put my hope and focus.  It isn't in a FT job, a house with some land so my wife and I can have a dog.  It isn't in having more money so I can take my wife to the beach for a week and take my mom or dad or brother & his wife out to eat.  Sure that would be very nice but it's not what is most important and what truly matters.  What matters is that even in what is perceived as a rotten situation, I do my best to keep hoping and trusting in Christ.  That I let His will to be done and not what I want.  For it is in this that others will benefit.  Look at the good that came from Paul's time in prison.  Look at the good that came from Jesus' arrest and death.  Good can come from, what can easily be perceived as, a crappy situation.  But it is only perceived that way when we look at it & think on it in a selfish light.  My life and my situation is not about me.  It's about my wife, my family, my friends, people I come in contact with, and most importantly it is about God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It is when we make our time worthwhile out of loving service for others that is key, regardless of the circumstance/situation...good or bad, positive or negative.  It is here we lose sight of self and focus on God and others.  It is here His light shines.  It is here His love endures forever.