A little bit country, a little bit rock-n-roll

It is interesting to see how easy selfish thoughts can creep into one's mind.  As I sit here, I hold fresh and dear to me the phone conversation that just ended.  It was with a good friend and brother, whom in all our time apart seem to hold true to a sweet friendship.  It was in this conversation that I was reminded of what our life is really about and what is most important.  It is not of this earth.  It is not of this flesh.  It is that of what is to be and to come.  I'm speaking of life after death and the Second Coming of Christ.  For it is these two things that are most important.  We are to live for Him each day.  We are to set our minds upon Him.  We are to serve Him through growing in our understanding of Him, thus allowing us to grow in our relationship with Him.  We are to serve Him through putting ourselves aside and serving others, those we know (family and friends) and those we don't.  

In thinking, I wonder if I would put such an passion and be so ambitious in my understanding/relationship/service to Christ as I do my desire to act, what would I be like?  What could He accomplish in me and through me?  Sure I sit here thinking how I would love to be an actor in mainstream entertainment.  I want this because acting is something I enjoy.  I wish for this because I want to provide youth and others with a positive influence.  But I also wonder why I can't let this dream go.  I wonder if this is the real reason of why I pursue this??  I do not know.  I sometimes fear that my pursuit of acting is Satan's way of keeping me in his grasp, to hinder in my hearing of the Holy Spirit in the stillness so that He can guide me to where He is truly wanting me to go.  So He (God/Christ/Holy Spirit) can speak to me and I will finally listen.  I do think that Christ needs to be seen and heard in mainstream actors, actresses, musicians, but is being Christ in this field the real driving force or is it, in the end, more of the entertainment idea??  

I am an ambitious person.  There are lots of things I want to do and lots of places I'd like to go to/see.  But as much as I'd love to act, I want to provide for my wife more.   I want to take some of the financial burden off her.  I want to finally take her on our honeymoon.  I want to be able to treat her.  I want to be able to pay for meals for my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my friends.  I know that God has blessed me.  I know He created me with the creativeness and gifts and talents and outwardness for a reason.  I know He has instilled in me a desire to help others and care a great deal about those in need for a reason.  I know that in this time of working part-time that He is teaching me new things, revealing things about me that are ugly that I didn't know about, as well as showing my wife and I how faith matters.  Faith in Him and Him alone.  He has provided.  He has met our needs.  And He continues to do so.